Men, If You're Not Supporting Your Wives, You're Not Smart!

Posted Sept 30, 2004, 8:05 PM CT

That's right!  For the last fifteen years after each and every "event" that I've ever attended, your wives come up to me and say "I wish you could talk to my husband"!  Well, here I am.  I'm in your grill, and I'm borrowing a phrase from my man Jim Rome - "If your not supporting your wife... You're Not Smart!"  What does support look like?  Good question.  Let's take a look.

The Webster's definition I like for support is "to corroborate, to give aid or assistance".  Sounds easy enough.  You made a promise "to love and to cherish until death do us part" - that has to be supportive, right?  Wrong, it's not enough!  Here's the deal.  If your wife is working a job, primarily responsible for the day-to-day activities of your children, she's preparing & shopping for meals and homemaking, AND if she doesn't feel that she's being supported, what you have is... FRUSTRATION!  Frustration is defined as "to prevent from attaining a goal or fulfilling a desire, thwart, to prevent the fruition of, nullify".  I don't know about you, but I don't want to be a "thwart-er"!!  Cause when Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!  So what do you do?  Stop what you're doing right now and sign up for sensitivity training?  NO, of course not.  Take an interest.  Put down the remote and listen.  Find out what she is excited about and why.  Tell her, "honey, I know you can do it."  Those three things alone will qualify you for the "Mr. Wonderful Award", but if you want to take things to the next level, keep reading.

Simply Solutions for the Supportive Husband:

Take some time to learn about the Company.  Read the ADVANCE Brochure, learn some of the lingo, realize that cosmetics are a "consumable product" that women do not go without and that Consultants earn half of what the sell!!  Learn the Marketing Plan.  Pick up one of our Consultant or Director Folders that prioritize and 'focus" on income producing activities.

Decide what you can do to help.  My wife's Love Language is "acts of service".  [Languages of Love by Dr. Gary  Chapman] That means when I do things for her, she feels 'loved'.  I remember one day when were still living in an apartment complex seeing this professionally dressed women get out her car to put the trash in the community dumpster on her way to work - I decided at that moment my wife would never take the trash out (or have to ask me).  Same goes with gas in the car.  In the last fifteen years, Pam can count on one hand the number of time she has had to fill up her gas tank.  This isn't rocket science, it's consideration and encouragement!

Plan your week together, ahead of time!  This is huge - the Weekly Plan Sheet is your tool.  Why is this so important?  Because you know ahead of time which nights you will have to order PIZZA or take the kids to McDonalds!  Or maybe you want to cook for yourself.  Personally, I find that Thomas and I can spend more time playing Playstation if I don't have to cook or do dishes.  Seriously, if everyone knows the "family schedule" ahead of time, then there is less confusion which leads to less FRUSTRATION, and a greater feeling of SUPPORT!

When she asks for your advice, ASK a question before answering.  Women have a way of asking for your advice when they really want to TELL you something, or just TALK.  I don't expect you to grasp this concept over night, this is hard work for us!  We are guys, we want to fix things!  You've got  a problem, great - I've got a New Power Tool!  Not with your wife!!  "I want your advice" is code; it means "ask me a question so I can share my FEELINGS with you and together we can have MEANINGFUL Conversation.  Then you'll understand what I need you to do and how this will benefit our family down the road."  This is the key to support: if you allow her to  communicate what she needs from you without telling her what to do, you will have attained "enlightenment"!  (Providing you actually "do" what she needs.)

When you give advice, make sure it's Smart Advice!  Inventory.  The most common ridiculous 'tidbit' husbands frequently give their wives is regarding beginning inventory.  Gentlemen, you know that if you want a new driver and you go to Tim Golf's Shop and Tim tells you that he doesn't carry the new Quad 7, but he can have it for you in two weeks if you leave a deposit, you are out of there!  You immediately head to the nearest 'Golf Warehouse' or find it on-line, and voila, you have your new club in your bag by the next day!  Am I right?!?!?  Yes, I am.  Same is true with cosmetics.  People will buy what they see, IF they can have it now!!!!!  They don't want to wait, and you certainly don't want to waste time having to deliver lipsticks that you didn't have all over town.  That's why starting with a $600 order and "seeing how it goes" rarely goes well.  Treat your business like a business, make sure you have product on hand!

If you think you're babysitting when you spend time with your children, You're Not Smart!  Let's re-think this.  A babysitter by definition only has a vested interest in your child as long as they are being paid.  When a father spends time with his child he is making an investment in him/her, hopefully creating a bond that will last forever!  Children crave that quality time together, and they never forget it!  One Seminar, Pam really needed time to prepare a class she was teaching and wanted a "quiet" house.  I took Thomas on a "Thomas Day" - we drove an hour to a special Water Park, we played 9 holes of golf, we ate ice cream, went to the arcade, and rode the go-carts.  This was five years ago, and he still will remind me, "Dad, you remember when we had the Thomas Day"?  That was great!  Bottom line, don't miss out on the special opportunities you have to build special relationships with your children.

Well, I could go on.  And I will.  I hope you'll check back for my next perspective.  I'm out - Jerry